My awesome new roommate is on a blogging kick. I'm so glad because I'm hoping it will remind me that I have one too! I want to utilize it more! As I've written on here before... I'm becoming inconsistently consistent, which is better than consistently inconsistent. In 2010 I wrote 3 blogs, all in the month of May. In 2011, I wrote 3 blogs... spread out throughout the year. Lets see what 2012 does!
I've been learning so much lately. Too much to document it all. But, I thought I'd share just what I've learned in the last 24 hours.
Yesterday I listened to a seminar by Olan Stubbs on www.conationalconference.com (shoutout!) about prayer. I'm always looking for some solid teaching on this subject. I know a lot of the "right answers" to the questions that come up in my heart about prayer...yet my mind still runs in those circles that can leave me confused. The understanding of the 'right answers' play tug of war with these thoughts: If God already knows what I want... why do I have to pray it? If God's going to do His will and not mine, then isn't it a waste of time? I already know he's loving and is going to take care of me... So, I'll just let him do his thing. Why should I tell him how to run my life?? If God doesn't relate to me based on what I do, then I can't earn things from him by being a good pray-er... And, he's not a magic lamp in the sky... Praying for things is just treating him like one. Besides... when I pray I start to feel like I deserve the answer. So doesn't praying lead me away from the gospel instead of towards it??
Normally I fight these thoughts against prayer WITH prayer. Luckily I've always been able to be blunt and honest and raw with God. I pray- "God, I don't get this. But I want to. Change that in me! And despite the fact that my heart doesn't understand...Your word says that you want me to pray, so here I am."
Don't get me wrong here... I have had many great, fruitful, meaningful and relational seasons of prayer. I actually kick myself for not being faithful to pray, when He has always been so faithful to answer every time!
When I heard Olan talk about the relational side of prayer it was not news to me. My heart was even giving some 'amens!' I know that the purpose and answer to those questions are to align my heart with God's heart.
I listened to this seminar on a 2.5 hour drive... so when I was done, I had plenty of time to pray through what I learned. I noticed that I was able to pray really confidently about small details of my life. "Lord... I have no idea if I have the right amount of air in my tires... just... let it be right." Why was it so easy for me to pray a prayer like that... when I could also admit it seemed silly?! And, when it was time to pray "Lord, please finish my support. Please help me to get to 80% this month." or even bolder... "Let me reach 105% this month!" ... when it was time to pray that.. I couldn't do so with as much confidence.
Well... I asked myself that question. I asked God that question. What I started to realize was this: If my tires exploded right then and there on the interstate and I was stranded... I'd still be confident that He was still God, He was still good, and He was working that situation out for my benefit.
I remember a time when I couldn't do that. In my constant effort to sort through this difficulty in the area of prayer... I have prayed that he would help me pray more confidently. He answered that prayer! I'm not afraid to ask for those little things, because I don't have to fear that if I don't get an answer it might shake my faith!
So... why don't I have that same confidence in that big prayer? It occurred to me that if that super specific prayer wasn't answered... it might rock that boat a little bit. My thoughts would be: "God! What the heck?! What I asked for was a good thing! Its a thing you should want too! Why are you not giving it to me? Are you really good? Cause that kind of seems like a jerk move. My prayer was good, and your answer was not... "
WOW. How revealing! So now that God showed that to me... I was able to pray "Lord, give me an understanding that no matter what answer you give me to my big prayers You are God, You are good! I have a reason sing! I have a reason to worship!! My outlook had completely changed! I was borderline wanting to pray "God, Don't finish my support! So I can love you for it!" (whattt? that's absurd?! You mean, I'd rather have the giver? not the gift?) This helped me apply what Olan explained so well... God is not like a coke machine. You don't get to just put in a prayer and get out an answer. But you want to know why? Cause you don't have to get intimate with a coke machine... until it doesn't give you your coke. That's when you start wrestling with it, beating it, cussin it, and stay right by it until you get your coke. When God does that, he's not being mean... He's being relational. If the goal is to get God, not his gifts... then sometimes with holding the gifts helps us get God. What a better blessing!
This is helping me repent of the areas in which I'd rather have the creation, not the creator. Thank you, God for this grace!
Olan also mentioned the quote "Pray until you pray" -- Thats what this was all about.
Ya know, this was only ONE of at least 2 big lessons he taught me in the last 24 hours.
I'm getting a lot out of what Olan pointed out about the line "Give us this day our daily bread" ...give us this DAY? our DAILY bread? Why so repetitive? I prayed that probably 15 times yesterday.. just meditating on it and trying to soak a lot out of it. Give me today what I need today... If you'd like to know those details holla at me... cause even though that was the point I was leading to in this whole thing (and the reasoning behind the title of this entry) I've been writing this out for forever and I gotta get on with my day. Maybe I'll come back and finish out these thoughts later... but lets be honest... I might not be back for another 6 months.
God is God. He is Good. We have a reason to sing, we have a reason to worship!!
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