I haven't blogged in a long time...

Today I need somewhere to vent about the D-word..."Dysautonomia"...

This is completely interfering with my life and I don't know how to make people understand.  If I said I was puking my guts out then people wouldn't question my need to stay home one morning... but when I'm otherwise inhabilitated and I miss part of my day I feel like a failure... and "I didn't feel good" sounds wimpy.

I don't even know how to fully describe what I feel physically at those times.  I just feel like I'm dying. Like doing anything but laying down and sleeping is excruciatingly hard.  My legs feel like lead...my back feels weak and some times my muscles burn like they would during an extreme workout.  My arms feel like jello.  Some times I'm nauseous (like today) and sometimes I have a headache... sometimes I have chest pain or feeling like I have to remind my body to breathe.   Honestly, its a little different every time... and I have weird things going on that I don't understand... tingly fingers, ears ringing, odd aches and pains...And I just have so little energy!!

Mostly if I just sleep it will pass... Which I did this morning.

"Where were you this morning?" ....? How do I explain this to someone? Especially because I really don't like drawing a lot of attention to it, because I'm afraid I'll be seen as weak or lazy or weird or crazy.   "oh, I didn't feel good..." And I start hearing in my head what I think is going through their heads and its not good.

I just wish I didn't have this.