You can't DO what is DONE

Wow, it has been quite a day.

(I'm having a night of extreme tiredness yet insomnia...it's like I'm so tired that my brain doesn't want to function or be productive in anyway... but I could probably go run a mile right now. It's annoying.  I keep typing like have a sentence and then stopping for a full minute before I can complete a thought. So excuse me if this is ridiculous in grammar, typos, or repetitiveness... Good thing I have spell check!)

Anyways, as I was laying in bed trying to sleep I was thinking about how great God is.  So, I thought I'd share.

I'd like to preface this with some truth that we may understand with our minds, yet tend to run from in our hearts.  Because of Christ's work on the cross, we no long have to work to earn God's forgiveness or love.  Because "It is finished!" There is weight of sin that was taken off of us and placed on Christ... so we no longer have anything to dig ourselves out from underneath.  A true believer understands that God's acceptance and affection for us is not based on our ability to uphold any level of perfection.  This something that has been written on my heart. Yet, there are many situations that pull me into the direction of subconsciously believing otherwise.

I'm not a 'got it all together' kinda girl.  I don't make my bed.  I don't always fold my clothes... I don't always go to bed or wake up at normal hours.  I'm the most productive at the last minute, so it always seems like I'm not on the ball about stuff... I don't like locking myself into strict schedules... I watch junk on TV. I don't like to admit to myself that I'm not very punctual nor am I the best driver on the road... And, these are just shallow surface-y things. When I think about what I "should' be like... I think about people who do those things that I don't.  I start comparing myself to other people, instead of comparing myself to Christ- which would humble me and bring me back to the gospel.

In those times when I'm bogged down by what I'm not doing well... My heart doesn't believe that God can really be pleased by me.  I know what's true... so I pray that God would help me believe the truth that He does not judge me based on what I do, but on what Christ has done.

Just last night... I was also laying in bed trying to sleep.. and I was praying that exact prayer.

Since last October I've been raising financial support to work with Campus Outreach.  It was understood from the beginning that I wouldn't know what campus I'd be at until I raised 80% of my goal.  I have been so extremely grateful to have someone else- a sweet friend of mine - going through the same process as me!! We started around the same time, and have travelled the ups and downs of this together!  Countless times, we have thanked God for one another.  Yesterday, she found out what campus she'd be going to!! It was so exciting! I couldn't be more happy for her!

But later, the Accuser was trying to make me believe that if I had DONE more.. put forth more effort... crossed more t's and dotted more i's... then I wouldn't have been left in the dust in support raising and I could be placed on a campus now too... it was working.

So last night, I was praying that the Lord would make my heart believe His word... that his gifts and blessings weren't contingent on how well I perform.  Ultimately, HE is in control.  I can't say the wrong thing to the right people, or the right thing to the wrong people.  He is orchestrating the details of my support raising like a symphony with a perfect tempo... with all the dissonance and resolve placed perfectly to make it beautiful.  "God, help me to believe that your not keeping me from getting to 80% and from knowing where I'll be because of how well or how poorly I've performed my support raising duties...Help me to be faithful in them! But, not look to them as the cause and effect of your love"

...

Well, I was tossing and turning until well after 3.  Next thing I knew, it was morning and my phone was ringing... After 3 missed calls and a text message, I snapped out of my coma -- They wanted to make it official. I was placed on a campus EARLY!
It took hours for the news to really sink in... So many details and so much excitement!! I was not expecting to get this news for a long time -- I was supposed to find pledges to cover 23% of my goal first!


I didn't have to DO one more thing in order to get this sweet gift from God.  He wanted to show me that.